On the path to finding ME
I have recently been on a journey. A path of rediscovering myself, and although I am not quite all the way there yet, I do feel like I am on the final steps. So far I have been a parent for 23 years and over the course of those years I lost my identity between being a mother and a wife. Everyone’s needs (including the households pets) were put above my own. My likes and dislikes were pushed aside, my hobbies were put on hold, everything about who I am was discarded, smothered, or buried under a pile of laundry. It wasn’t until recently that several different events ignited something within. The first was five years ago when my son turned 18, something happened inside me, the very first spark was lit and began to burn. I finally felt free from my ex-husband, the imaginary chain linking us all together disappeared as my son became a legal adult. It probably sounds silly to most, but I was really free. Shortly thereafter I lost my biological Father, and my Grandmother, and then a close friend to cancer in Spring 2014. Each of these losses opened my eyes in different ways, painfully teaching me valuable lessons in life, love, forgiveness, and empathy. I closed myself off to the world after my friends death and retreated to my writing which led me to fulfilling a lifelong dream of writing a book which I published last Fall. As proud as I was with my book, I was deeply depressed and last winter slipped unnoticed into a depression. In late January I lost my beloved Grandfather, his loss still very new and sad. Since his passing I have had dreams, vivid dreams that I have never experienced before which have led to me keep a dream journal. I slowly felt the dark weight of my depression start to lift, and I started to think about me, my future, what I want. Very slowly the embers started to burn in my belly warming me…fueling me. I had neglected ME for so long. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. It was time to take charge and put ME first above everything and everybody. I am a natural born organizer and planner so I started planning, and sorting, and organizing. I still am. I am a work in progress, being fueled by this fire within. I have dropped 30 lbs since January, and I feel amazing mostly due to Fitgirlsguide which is all about eating clean. I hope to have a second manuscript written by the end of this year for my second book. I hope to start looking for a new job outside the family business next spring as my daughter will finally be driving so I no longer will be an “on call taxi service”. To anyone that doesn’t like the new ME, move on because I don’t have time for negativity or drama which is why I am cutting a big chunk of social media out of my life. I long to declutter and simplify. I have a plan…a ME plan and I am going to stick with it because it is the best thing I have done for myself in years, and I really like ME.
Check out my fitness journey on Instagram @fitgirl_aukgirl
Check out fitgirlsguide at fitgirlsguide.com